Hello to Captain Obvious - Santa Claus is one scary son of a bitch. First of all, look at him. These kids are scared. I would be too. Big stranger up in your face, all red and shit. Colours are very symbolic of satan I presume. He is a deathly over-weight individual. The old fuck could crush a child to death in a matter of minutes by JUST mistaking him for a foot-stool and sitting down. Santa also has a huge beard and other wierd hair growing off his face and head that disturbs me. Oh. And lets not forget another scary thing about Santa. Just what does he do? He sneaks into your private residence by shimmying down the chimmney. Hello? Is there something wrong with this picture? That's breaking in entry people. And what about those sketchy little elves he employs - has anyone seen Gremlins? Surprising similarities here. I duno folks, but I believe the entire character of ole' Saint Nick or whoever the fuck he is is rather sketchy and something not to be trusted. I, for one, would like to advise all our readers to lite extra large fires this year in their fireplaces as a warm greeting for the red guy when he comes barreling down the chimmney.
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