January's OTHER Bloke of the Month: Vinny LaRusso

Vinnie LaRusso...AKA Banks from the Mighty Ducks movies was not only a hunk of hotness back in the 90's, but Julia and I spend a brief time with him while vacationing in the Turks n Caicos islands. I will not disclose where exactly we were hangin with him but I do have to say, this guy can funnel a beer. He was very cool and extremely normal. I think he was trying to get away from his previous "Banks" life and start over.

He is now in his 20's and hotter than ever. Too bad we didn't figure out that Vinnie was actually BANKS until after we left. Vinnie- if you are reading this...happy trails, my friend. We have you on video tape but I promise...we won't be showing it to any of your mad fans any time soon!!!! XOXOXOXOXOX

Tuesday. What is the point of a Tuesday?

Tuesdays are so lame. I mean, come on... no holidays ever fall on Tuesdays(except the random times when xmas and new years happen to grace this stupid day with their presence) and it's like.. not far enough into the week to be midweek and when there are long weekends Tuesdays are the substitute week starters. Mondays normally suck but I wouldn't say that Mondays are my least favorite because there are some long weekends that include Mondays. Tuesdays just suck. Today is Tuesday and what am I doing? nothing. NO-THING. Not one thing. So why isn't the word 'nothing'...'notonething'...I think I'll change it. "Christina's Dictionary"...enough of this Webster bullcrap. Bullcrap will be included in my dictionary too...like the PG version of Bullshit.

Ok I'm done now. Tonight I watched Jeopardy and I didn't get any questions right. I think I need another glass of Cabernet. Cabernet=intelligence...I swear. But no, I am not an alcoholic.

I'm reading the Secret Life of Bees and Memoirs of a Geisha right now. They are both great books and I have to leave one on either end of the house because otherwise I'll stand over both of them on my coffee table and waste more time trying to choose which one to read than anything else. God I am so scattered. I feel bad for any guy that ever wants to doom himself into marrying me. I have the attention span of a 3 year old but that's cool, right? If my potential hubby ever gets mad at least he can count on me either forgetting what I was mad at him for after 5 minutes or finding something more interesting while being mad at him. That could be a plus.

I'm going to Julia's house in Falmouth tomorrow to bond with Jules, Jeanne and hopefully Aunt Anne. My mom(BIG SUE) is coming along for the fiasco, too. How cute... the moms and the daughters...all in one house...raising hell.

I'm sick of Santa, send in the Rabbit

Lets all ponder this picture. Courtesy of my good friend and fellow partner in crime, Stephanie Buck.

christmas is over. already.

so....xmas is over. again. our christmas tree is crunchy and we have to take it down but i bet we won't until after new years because my mother loves it and thinks its a special tree. she thinks every tree every year is special. the fact of the matter is, none of them really are but it's cute that she has feelings for them.

my mother just showed me a toy that i had when i was a baby....3 pigs that hung above my crib.....then she told me they were taken off the market because some babies got stranged by them...my mother did not take them down from above my crib, though. figures. she also let me sleep through an earthquake when we lived in California but of course she just left me in my crib.

so...merry merry. xmas is over for another year... 364 days and counting............................

January's Bloke of the Month: David Lauscher

Okay, so I'm a bit early. But I plan on being wicked busy for the rest of the week so I know I won't have any other chance to post this besides now when I'm here, xmas night, stoned, drunk, sitting in my study. David Lauscher. Yes, lets all drool. We remember David as playing the role of Ted on the early 90's Nickelodeon t.v series, "Hey Dude". Although he didn't have much competition in the "looks" category (Danny the Indian, was.. well INDIAN. Jake was a total loser, Buddy was beyond retarded, and Mr. Ernest looked like an egg) Ted was always known as the handsome, young, smart-ass, ranch hand that was always getting into trouble. What I don't understand is why Brad (horse trainer) didn't ever fancy Ted. Why was she always rejecting him? Did she have vision problems? It really is a mystery. I thinki everyone would agree that Brad would have had a much hotter summer at the Dude Ranch if she had been smart and shacked up with Ted. Mmmmm Ted.... Here's to David Lauscher, January's bloke of the month!

News Flash: Santa is Fucking Scary

Hello to Captain Obvious - Santa Claus is one scary son of a bitch. First of all, look at him. These kids are scared. I would be too. Big stranger up in your face, all red and shit. Colours are very symbolic of satan I presume. He is a deathly over-weight individual. The old fuck could crush a child to death in a matter of minutes by JUST mistaking him for a foot-stool and sitting down. Santa also has a huge beard and other wierd hair growing off his face and head that disturbs me. Oh. And lets not forget another scary thing about Santa. Just what does he do? He sneaks into your private residence by shimmying down the chimmney. Hello? Is there something wrong with this picture? That's breaking in entry people. And what about those sketchy little elves he employs - has anyone seen Gremlins? Surprising similarities here. I duno folks, but I believe the entire character of ole' Saint Nick or whoever the fuck he is is rather sketchy and something not to be trusted. I, for one, would like to advise all our readers to lite extra large fires this year in their fireplaces as a warm greeting for the red guy when he comes barreling down the chimmney.

I've Got The Golden Ticket!

Dig harder Bill!

Are They Or Aren't They

Okay regardless of the lesbo-flak I got from people about my Xena halloween costume this year, I found this article from OKAY! magazine quite amusing. If anyone has ever watched Xena WP before they'd know all about the "subtext" issue between Xena and her sidekick (who usually just got in the way) Gabrielle. Even after the series ended (Ran for 7 yrs) the question was still lingering. Were Xena and Gabrielle in love or no? Renne O'Connor (Gabrielle) stated in a rather vague way that, "Xena and Gabrielle were only the truest of friends and while playing the role of Gabrielle, I never interpreted or considered the script to be implying anything otherwise." Lucy Lawless, (Xena) had different things to say about the matter.... Two years after Xena ended (2003) she reviewed various past episodes, and when asked what she thought about the lesbian-relationship subject the hetero-mother of 3 New Zealander was quoted on saying, "Oh. Of course they were. It's so obvious." Hmmm Different strokes for different folks? I guess everyone is able to formulate their own opinion in this case... Comment with your opinion. This is my racy picture. Ooooh Ahhhh oh shutup we're all mature here.

Preggers Hits Pavement At 50 mph And Lives To Tell The Tale!

Okay. Your unknowingly 3 weeks pregnant, jump out of a plane at 8,000 feet, parachute doesn't deploy, reserve parachute doesn't deploy, and you land face first in a parking lot at a min-mall in Alabama. What happens? Your on a one-way-trip to Tarturus is what you think would happen. But to Shayan Richardson, this is not the case. Despite recieving various plates of steel inserted into her skull to reconstruct her face (which was kinda ugly since day 1 ) she survived and so did her unborn child. This was Shayane's first solo parachute dive, and she plans to successfully complete this task in August of '06 after she has had her baby. I am curious, and maybe our readers are as well, as to what the FUCK this woman's deformed-ass children are going to look like. Down syndrome babies? Yeeesh.

Turner Still Bloke of the Month:

Please tell me you'd rather have this strapping lad warming your bed than christina's momma's boy Brian worth... How could you take sex seriously with some goofy-grinned tosser looking down at you while your shagging? I'd laugh. So, it still stands - Jason Turner bloke of the month. Surprised you didn't try for Theo xtina..

We're going on a trip!

--Harpswell, Maine...
***UPDATE***
Julia and Christina will be venturing to Harpswell, Maine on Tuesday. Don't miss us too much......

We're also going to be let loose on a traine from Boston to Portland which is probably a huge mistake because we might raise some hell but hellraising is what we do best so.....if you are planning a train trip to portland on tuesday...maybe you should opt to stay indoors...

Just some Rudolphs to put you in the Christmas Spirit.

-Random Rudolph......Regina's her name. I think she's German. GO REGINA! Can we call you Reggie?


-Rudy G......we all know who he is.

-Maya Rudolph...great actress

-Rudolph Valentino....Italian actor/sex symbol...oooo la la, toss me a pizza Rudy.

-Freaky Imposter Rudolph...not my favorite............

-Wilma Rudolph....great trackster.

-Don Rudolph...old school ball player

-The REAL Rudolph......as in....the Red Nosed Reindeer.

AHHHH

Julia-


You will be happy to hear that I am now the proud owner of a NANO mega straightening iron. You will no longer have to go searching for your straightener in the depths of my room because I have a new one and mine is better than yours so THERE.



Hopefully Julia will be coming to Maine with me this week to go snowshoeing. I'm a little nervous about letting her loose on my aunt's farm because the chickens run free and I'm afraid she will kill one, or all of them. She can be violent at times...... But if she does decide to join me, we will have some nice new pictures to post and some lovely stories of our adventures on the farm!



Tyra Banks is my hero. She will be the subject of my next post. Damn you, Tyra, for roping me into your stupid "America's Next Top Model" for 3 whole hours the other night. I can not believe I subjected myself to that spineless, shallow crap. I'm getting dumber.

And as for that post about my A-.......that was totally taken out of context I was complaining about an A- in POETRY. I mean, come on, if it was an A- in some hard class then that would be FINE, but it's POETRY. Poetry of the Earth..... how hard could it possibly be? So there....Julia... don't make me look like a smartypants...and last time I checked, kids that put off their book reports until the last minute and never actually read the books but still got A's were not considered to be "Overachievers" they were just naturally brilliant.

Why Didn't I get a say in December's BLOKE OF THE MONTH?

Here's to Brian Worth.... one of the Average Joe's. Sexy, smart, funny, SINGLE. Who wouldn't love a bloke like this happy fella? Ok... maybe he is not the looker of all lookers, but does personality mean nothing? Last time I checked, this guy made some serious cash and also had a Boston Accent... come on now, ladies, this guy is a keeper. Any redsox fan is fine with me.


So.... I think Brian should be our December Bloke because I bet he would never cheat on his wife or beat up his best friend. In fact, I bet he bakes cookies with his mom and doesn't embibe. His house is probably immaculate even though he has 5 or 6 kitties.

Brian, we love you.

Bloke of the Month: Jason Turner

Okay, so hes your average footballer. He cheats, he drinks, he swears, and has an ego the size of Mount Olympus. So why did I pick him as bloke of the month? Because deep down, every girl loves an asshole. Jason Turner is captain of Earl Park's football team in England on the series, Footballer's Wive$. He is hot as hell, has a sick ride, and makes mad bank at doing what he does best - playing footie. Outside of Sparks, Jace spends his time getting in and out of trouble with the Mrs. Tanya Turner for random shags, changing the locks on the doors, beating up his best mate Kyle, knocking up older women, and screwin' around with Fredricka the club manager's daughter. No wonder Tan's addicted to coke.. Anyways, despite his flaws, we still enjoy watching this handsome bloke grace us with his presence on the box every week. Here's to the asshole whom we all love and adore - Jason Turner, December's bloke of the month!

News Flash: Christina is a Tool

FYI AMERICA - Christina Patricia Jeffrey is upset. Did her precious dog Lucy die? No. Did her disease-infested pillow get put in the paper shredder where it belongs? No. She is upset over an A- . Yes folks, an A- . Ridiculous? Of course. Surprising? Not really. Christina is an over-achiever, the girl that finishes the book or does the project the day it was assigned that we all hated in the 7th grade. Remember those kids? (shudder) Anyways, Christina recently recieved an A - on her report card, which I'm willing to bet my life on was her lowest grade of the semester. Is she happy? Negative. It is a blemish she can't shake. I got a B on my report card... am I crying? Nope, no tears here. Well, Christina... in regards to your grievance with your stellar report card, all I have to say is SOD OFF!

(Btw, xtina knowes i'm joking and that i love her to bits and i'd sponser her to go on jeopardy anyday to school those encyclopedia brittanica freaks. x o x o )

Just some interesting photographs to consider...

So...the first pickie is of our brilliant bomb shelter casa...I'd tell you the address but then I'd be afraid that some random dude browsing blogs would find us to be semi attractive and want to come over to one of our bonfires in the backyard. That is totally not safe so I will refrain from giving our address. But I will tell you one thing, our neighbor, PAT, is mad cool. I think the only word I can use to describe her would be nonchalant. She's just so...... carefree...or so it seems. She also likes to sing opera early in the morning which is cool because I'd rather be woken up by a woman singing opera than some drunk college kid puking in a trash can outside a dorm room.

The second picture is of Christina's brilliant mother SUE. Now.. there is a lot to be said about Sue but I will try to keep it short. For starters, BIG SUE is not big at all...she's actually only 5'3" on a good day. I can pick her up and I like to on a regular basis. This is Xtina writing by the way.... Sue and I looked identical as wee tots. I actually used to love this really cute picture of who I thought was me as a kiddie but it turns out the photo is actually Sue as a child. I think she was cuter. Oh well.

This photo is of Sue when she came to visit me while I lived in Galway, Ireland. We were just sitting outside of a cafe having a beer, minding our business, when this lovely lad came over to have a chat. Of course, he was pissed drunk out of his skull so my poor mother got a REALLY nice feel for the essence of Ireland. She decided that she wanted to make friends with him as she'd just given a lighter to 2 bums about an hour before...she was on a roll! So he stayed and slurred his way through a few stories of how Ireland used to be and bla bla bla bla. I think he loved my mom. Who wouldn't, though...really.

The third picture is of my mother...once again. We were just walking along the sidewalk in Westport, Mayo, Ireland, when all of a sudden...BAM. Sue is on the ground. Of course I thought she was being a wimp and demanded that she get up and walk to the hotel but nooooooooooo she continued to whine. WAAAAAAAAAA MY ANKLE. Ugh I was so mad. But.. then it turned out that she actually did break her foot doing absolutely nothing so I felt like a huge jerk and went to get help. I found a band of merry drunk Irish lads on their way to the pubs... So the lads and their taxi driver carried my mom to safety!


BRILLIANT!

I miss Julia....JULIA? WHERE ARE YOU? COME AND PLAY WITH ME!

lets give a shout out to fairbanks tavern

DUDE...this is a GUN. Isn't that messed up? It's a wee bitty gun that's being compared to a Mastercard. Wierd huh? I mean, who needs a gun this itty bitty? Well, I'm sure someone could call me up right now with a really great reason for why they need a gun like this but...I mean....what is this world coming to? GUNS AND VIOLENCE ARE NOT THE ANSWER. My hippie buddies would love this blog entry...I think I have that exact mastercard....it doesnt get much use but....i think i have one like it buried in the back of my ugly red wallet. BAM BAM BAM BAM BAM POW WHACK ZOOM WAA SMACK! I was never as good at making gunfire noises as my guy friends when I was a wee little tot. It really pissed me off.

Fairbanks tavern rocks. Yep....ROCKS. And we all know that referring to a place as ROCKING is SOOOO not cool and SOOOO like totally last year but hey.... last year aint so bad, ya know? So here's the deal... I don't know what the heckers julia is doing right now but I(xtina) am in the hottub attempting to save my computer from falling in..... I know I know I KNOW I KNOW I KNOW don't tell me that i'm a moron for being on the lappertopper in the hottub but whatever its midnight at the oasis aka Audobon Country Club and hey,...guess what.....everyone goes to bed before 10 here because they are all mad retired and that is whatthey do because they don't have to work and don't need to go out andparty all night because they can sleep all day if they do so why go out and party when you can go to bed at 10 and wake up at 6am?!?!?!??!?!?! i dont know what i just wrote but whatever came out on the computer sounded WICKED good in my head but its slightly possible that it doesn't look as good on this thing to other people but i really don't care..have you noticed all of my spelling/punctuation mistakes? i did that to rebel...im rebelllllling.ok? i think i need to buy a Twister board for next semester because games are so much fun. who knows the capital of north dakota? julia is saying "ugh...christina always asks that question because no one knows it and she just wants to show everyone that she knows the state capitals..." well..it's BISMARK...and what the hell? Shouldn't everyone from the US know the capital cities??? shouldn't that be a requirement or something? i just think its weird if you don't know the basics of your own country...i mean..... some dude in the post office asked if the abbreviation for MASSACHUSETTS was MASS. um....no sir, it's MA...u moron. And why is the word abbreviation so long? I think the word itself should have an abbreviation...really...i mean, it does..but why is it so long to begin with?

ugh....these are the things I think about when I am by myself....

Just some pickies

Julia likes to make fun of xtina any time she cam..for example...here is a nice photograph of xtina at her house in Scituate...because Juya is making this face and indicating that her looking at the photograph made her face look like that...it implies that this photograph is bad...bad bad bad.

Here is a picture of Xtina and Juya on halloween. Xtina is a devil and Juya is Xena, warrior princess. I think it has been mentioned before that Juya likes to pretend she is, in fact, a warrior princess and she can often be spotted dancing around her room in warrior clothing, fighting with the mirror. It looks like devil woman is about to slay xena...oh well.
Here is a nice photograph of xtina and juya at a local bar called Spatz. here you can see the height difference between the two women as xtina only reaches the upper breast area of juya.

FA LA LA LA LA LALALALA

So....it is nearly time for Xtina and Juya to reunite. It has been almost 5 days. What the hell is up with that? The 2 musketeers don't have their full superpowers without eachother..so what are our superpowers do you ask? well.....that is for us to know, and you to find out(if you screw with us there could be consequences.....)


xtina got kicked off the golf course today because she hit too many balls at houses and in lakes. she also got yelled at for getting too close to a 7 foot long aligator but of course she felt like she was in no danger so she proceeded to try and walk up to it to pet it..when that didn't work out, she threw a very nice golf ball at it that her father was not too happy she wasted.

Kiss of Death : Not Just For The Mafia Anymore

Just to alert our readers of a deadly killer in our midst... Peanut Butter. What, you ask? But Skippys is so good? With all those chunks in that creamy whip- No. Last week Christina Desforges, a 15 year old from Quebec suffered a deadly allergy attack after kissing her boyfriend whom had recently consumed a peanut butter snack. According to People magazine, after watching a movie the two sex-crazed teens scampered upstairs in a fit of passion and started making out. Almost immediately after the festivities had begun, Christina exclaimed that she couldn't breathe. She ran downstairs gasping, opened the front door for fresh air and collapsed into a como. She died later that night. It truely was a "kiss of death". I strongly urge all people who are allergic to certain things whether they be peanuts, milk, TREE NUTS, or what have you, to be extra careful this holiday season when consuming grandma's special treats. You never know what that old battle-axe could be putting in them. Don't pull a Desforges. BEWARE!

Gotta Love This Guy

This is Tedy Bruschi and he is on my list of "could-be-perfect husbands" of the 21st century. Okay so maybe he isn't a native of New England (born in San Fran - nobody is perfect folks..), and maybe he is 11 years my senior (1973), in addition to the fact that he is already happily married with children and all that crap, blah, blah, a girl can dream right? Bruschi, besides having the coolest last name ever, is an outside linebacker for the New England Patriots. I'd rather see Tedy deck a quarterback on a blitz than see Vinateri kick a 48 yard fieldgoal (another hottie btw). I am planning on watching him do this during the '06 superbowl in Detriot (knock on wood). Tedy also plays the saxaphone, isn't that a cool hobby? I played clarinet once but then randomly stopped showing up for lessons without calling my instructor in advance. I went to the mall instead. Anyways, is it wrong to envision ripping Tedy Bruschi's clothes off? Why is he so hot? Gawd. ..... you know what I think? ..... I think my boyfriend needs to come home from England asap.

Randomness

Xtina's little cousin Andrew dressed up as Elton John for Halloween... it needed to be included because it might be the coolest costume an 8 year old has ever worn....ever. Way to go Andrew...KUDOS you Tiny Dancer, you. This mother of a catfish was caught somewhere in South America... big, huh? Well... the best part is...they weighed the big mama... burped her(apparently she was a little bloated.. never woulda guessed) and sent her back a swimmin. What a nice story. It brought a lil tear to my eye...but hey... that thing could have fed an entire village for a week. They shuld have donated it to the Red Cross.

safety first

We would like to remind you all to have a SAFE and happy holiday season...

XMAS VACATION

Being in college is cool because once you are done with finals you get like 4578927489379482 weeks off to do absolutely nothing. ok its more like 5 but whatever....you get the point. julia is in belmont treading through the snow while xtina is in naples basking in the sun and getting waited on by young men from south africa. julia is wearing sweaters while xtina is wearing bathing suits and tennis skirts. this will all soon change as xtina will be joining julia in the snow in a few days. then they will both be on an even playing field. if you are wondering who is writing this... it is neither julia nor xtina. it is god. yep, you heard me...god here...just updating all you stalkers on what the two divas are doing this week.

BOSOX

JASON VARITEK IS THE LOVE OF OUR LIVES. WE WILL TAKE HIM AWAY ONE DAY AND KEEP HIM IN OUR CAVE AND MAKE HIM PLAY CATCH WITH US AND GIVE US PIGGY BACK RIDES AND ALL THAT FUN STUFF. Jason- if you are reading this.. please post a comment with your phone number. We promise we will not exploit you in any way and we will not sell it to the tabloids....................we will simply call you and suggest that you meet us for some cocktails and conversation...ok? Good.

LULU

Lucy is the coolest dog ever. Christina owns her. She was a stray and now she is a SUPERSTAR.

Greetings

Introducing...........





Me. Julia Marie Dunn. I like taking long walks and picking up twigs along the way. I think that it is wonderful that Jessica and Nick are split up... although I do not wish heartache on anyone, I never cared for Jessica Simpson. It's for the best.

Today we are going to Fiddler's Green to play happy hour trivia. It will be fun. Maybe we will win.

what a strange day

today was weird. we studied a lot...took advantage of the free massages in the library. kinda cool but kinda not since it is the library and theres nothing really cool about being in the library. so much drama...like high school. the stuff that goes on here is just so silly.

anyways....this is a weird lookin animal eh? we saw road kill today so i decided to include this picture because the road kill was a raccoon i think but i wasnt sure even though julia drove by it a few times to check out its guts. nasty, huh? yea im writing cuz julia just went to bed and im wired.

Jackass is a good show. I'm watching it right now. Wow my computer is so messed. Oh well.

Have you ever seen a kiwi tree? yea well there is no such thing so in case you were wondering where kiwis grow.. its not on a kiwi tree.... they grow on vines... and who the hell was the first person to discover that kiwis were actually kinda good? i mean... who picks a brown fuzzy thing from a tree and goes.."damn that looks good, i think i'll eat it." just a thought...

What

Who is this chick and what the hell is wrong with her?

Kevin "Whip" Dunn

Kevin Dunn, known as "Whip Dunn" by friends, is my dad and he is the man. Kevin is on the directors board at Adams Harkness, an investment banking firm in Boston, Massachusetts. His favorite pastimes are playing golf, attempting the succeed at fishing, and cooking on our kick-ass backyard grill. Here are some funny things to know about Kev...
My grandmother was forced to tell Kevin at the ridiculous age of 12 that Santa wasn't real because kids in school were giving him massive shit. He is still traumatized to this day. Kevin was also suspended from Boston College High School with a couple of his friends for boozing in the football locker room before practice. Kevin once pushed his brother Mark down the basement steps, but denies it.

Secrets secrets are no fun......

Secrets are for EVERYONE.


Sometimes... Julia likes to dress up and pretend that she is Xena, Warrior Princess.

Introducing.... the stars....

So, Julia is sitting next to me while I write these things because she's actually doing some sort of work while I just waste time because we only took one car to the library and I don't want to rush her by complaining that I hate this place. Rollins creeps me out sometimes. It's like....dejavous all the time....the same shit all the time....same people wearing the same clothes and talking to the same people.

So there we are...... thats the face we make in pictures sometimes. I make a stupid happy face and Julia makes the "why the hell are you taking a picture of me, you dumbass" face.

Club Olin

We're in the library. It is not fun. It is Saturday night.
That is a picture of Noah, my mom's(christina's) boyfriend. Noah rules. That is a silly picture of him. Do you know what else rules? Milk.

Hm...

Julia and Christina are going to the movies to see some creepy movie about something that isn't real. We'll report back and let you know how it went.

Massholes rule the planet.

I don't really know what the hell we're doing with this whole "Blog" thing but we go to Rollins and rarely have anything important to do. We also don't usually do much separetely, so it seemed only right to create one of these things together.


Cute, huh?


Shut up you pansy.