So....now what?

It's totally weird...this whole graduating thing. I mean, it's cool...I've been waiting to get out of Florida now for 4 years but I have to say I have found some not-so-terrible things about this place. Actually, that's an understatement. I have had a great time, especially this past year, living in Florida. Now, that doesn't mean I'm going to pack my things from Boston and move them all down here for good, but I will come back to visit....


So...I was trying to explain this whole, saying goodbye to people thing. Actually I was quite intoxicated when I came up with one of my ridiculous theories that usually turn out to be a complete load of bullshit when I wake up and recall what I'd said...but this wasn't quite as ridiculous. I was thinking that every time you move somewhere new, you leave a few people behind and a few stay with you. So you move through a series of strainers....yep, I said strainers...like the blue plastic strainer from my kitchen that has a big crack down the middle that I use to strain my macaroni and cheese.

So, when you're little...your strainer has big holes. You let most people through because let's face it, your people skills aren't that terrific and you are basically stuck with the kids from your class anyways. As you get older, the holes in your strainer start to close up a bit. You start to sift through the rocks...the finer, smaller grains are the only ones you let through. Now that doesn't mean you just let through the small fries of the world...you don't have to literally picture a strainer full of people and only the anorexics making it through (god forbid all your friends be a wee bit chubby...no one would be left!)...but your holes just start to close in the way that you want them to...

You start to figure out the types of people you want to take with you...and the types that you want to leave behind. So...every time you move, graduate, take a trip, get a job, lose a job, lose a friend, gain a friend, fall in love, get dumped, get in a fender bender, give a homeless person some change, make conversation on a plane, visit a museum, go to a movie, hold a hand, hold a baby, wake up in the morning and pour yourself a cup of coffee...the holes in your strainer get a little smaller...

eventually all you're left with are the finest grains.



yea I know... I'm so cheesy. It's raining and I'm not in the mood to be funny.

Ali Dunn Memorial Race

Okay all you avid runners out there - which is not me - graduation is over and your heading back home wherever that is, but I just wanted to give a heads-up to the New Englanders that like to run that my cousin Alison's 5th anniversary roadrace is going to happening in Jamestown, RI on Sunday, June 4th (Jamestown is right over the Newport bridge). Its only $15 to enter and offers a scenic 5K loop for runners of all ages and skill levels. Although I won't be attending this year, I know alot of you are from the area so I urge you to go check it out! For more information, go to http://www.alisrun.com.

Vintage Revival

Okay - so, I don't watch Nick at Night, I don't shop at vintage clothing stores, and I never watch AMC or TMC - BUT there are few things that I think we should try and bring back from earlier eras. A) Old names - where are all the Judys, Berthas, Dorothys, and Bettys? I like these names - they need to come back. B) Suspenders - Sooo fucking cool. I'm not talking Pee Wee Herman suspenders, but fashionable ones for men and women. C) The Milk Man - I don't know about you but I'm pretty sick of driving all the way out to Publix to get fucking skim milk. Its not my fault I have a roomate that chugs about 3 pint glasses of the stuff a day? Yes - Christina loves milk, I think she should work for Hood. D) Book Burnings - What a heated way, -literally- to show your hatred of a book. I don't know about you, but I would love to burn my Chemistry book. Why can't we still have public book burnings? Why do they need to be seen as angry occassions - can't they be social gatherings? Finally, E) Old English - Tis, Thy, T'was, Thou, Hither, Ye... these words are fucking cool Bring those bitches back. Bring Ye olde bitches back!

Good Times in the Strong Hall Courtyard - By David Micheal Dwyer

So just recently a good friend of mine purchased a sling shot. Originally the plan was to get a couple of water ballons and fire them around the courtyard...however a few beers later our attention was firmly set on NCM. Okay, so we have no idea who these bitches are, but do they realy desrve to be bombarded with water ballons, ketchup bottles and dairy products at 10pm on a Sunday evening? The answer is simple....Yes! The fact is, is that we just don't care, nobody in ATO cares about anybody else on campus, hell...we don't even care about each other! I hope all the windows in NCM that were broken get fixed soon, not because I want the women inside to feel safe again...I want them fixed so we can break them again. If they don't get fixed then what the hell...watch out KD!

Sucks for Mother's Day

I just want to voice a small grievance I have in respect to my mother and all mother's everywhere that have one of their own graduating from Rollins College on May, 14th 2006 - i.e Mother's Day. I feel a bit bad. I mean, mother's everywhere who have worked their ass off for the past 21-22 years for their kids get one day a year to bask in the love of family members, recieve gifts, cards, maybe even get a bit tipsy. But this year, our graduation lands on Mother's Day and I really believe it takes away a bit of the holiday's thunder. Happy Mother's Day Mom! Oh wait - this day is all about me. Wouldn't you feel kinda bad. Dean Nielson, lets pick a more appropriate day next year.

A Glimpse into Tori Spelling's Demented Childhood

It seems to be, that the shopping-loving, nose-job, lousy with "virginity" (as of West Beverly High) Tori Spelling, sprouted her roots of stupidity at a very early age with the help of her billionaire father, Aaron Spelling. Despite his enormous wealth, Tori's dad spent alot of his time browsing through cheap beach shops in California, collecting elaborate shells. He would then place the shells along his private beach and when Tori was a child, let her walk down the shore and collect them. Finding such large and beautiful shells everywhere, Tori was quoted saying that she remembers those times fondly as being "magical experiences", and was apparently "extremely upset and dissapointed" as a teenager when she found out that the shells were merely purchased at some junk-shop by her father. Sorry Tori. No magic there.

Ok...Tom and Katie are just plain ridiculous

Give it a rest, guys. You are a couple of nutcases that need to chill out on all your crazy childbirth scenarios and what not. OOOOOOOO Katie's having Tom's baby. Big freakin deal. Everyone has kids and oh my god...a weathered, once hot but now incredibly creepy a-list actor knocked up a hot young terrible teen tv series hobag. And better yet, he is making her adopt all of his bizarre religious ways because of course he has nothing better to do with his time than convert his dumbass fiancee and publicize all of the wonderous teachings of his scientology nonsense. Ok I'm not knocking scientology because I really don't know much about it but I mean, come on, a silent birth? Cruise wants Holmes to have her kid silently. I'm sorry but lets shove a watermelon up Tom's ass and make him get it back out in a cool calm and collected manner...no swearing...no coaxing from doctors...silence. Yea, okay. Just admit it, Tom...you got your young girlfriend pregnant and you're doing everything in your power to make it look like you're still a stellar individual. Well I have news for you, Tommy boy... you're short and outdated. Thank god for viagra, right?

And what the hell was the deal with that pathetic parade of bullshit on the Oprah show last year? EWWWW Tom lost his cool with that one, but honestly, did he ever have any to begin with?

The stupid shit this guy does just keeps getting more and more idiotic..."Kiss me Kate" written on the nose of his P-51 mustang plane...wow talk about ruining a perfectly good thing with 3 words.

Pathetic.

Ode to Appliance Direct

APPLIANCE DIRECT! DON'T PAY RETAIL!

Ok...so anyone who lives in central florida has seen this godawful, yet incredibly addicting commercial that plays for hours on some random channel...Seriously it might be the most annoying commercial I've ever seen... or is it an infomercial? I mean, I guess it's an infomercial but who needs to watch hours of some jolly asian man and unattractively 80'sed out lady with poofy hair talk about washing machines and refridgerators for that long? I get the point...their prices rock and their appliances are to die for but seriously...I only need 30 seconds or maybe a minute to get the point. But still...I just can't stop watching it when it's on tv.

Which brings me to my next point... answering machines...why is it that when you call someone the answering machine lady voice has to tell you all of your options before you can leave a message.... "to page this person press..." "this call has been forwarded to an automatic voice messaging service..." bla bla bla I mean really...NO SHIT when someone doesn't pick up you get an answering machine. No need to be redundant. I mean, come on...I've waited long enough. Give me a break, OK? Ugh...patience.....I have none.

Happy Monday.

News

Warrior, Bard, Mom?

Just want to give a shout-out ~ congratulations ~ to Renne O'Connor on the birth of her new baby girl Iris! Renne, or Gabrielle as we know her on "Xena: Warrior Princess" gave birth on March 19 and is now a single mom of two! (son Miles, 2001) Renee recently divorced her husband Steve Muir in early 2005 and had Iris with her now-boyfriend - what is his name?! No one knowes! What's with the privacy Renee? Unless you were impregnanted with Dahok's demon child again.... nah the baby is too cute. But then again, so was Hope - until she started killing folks!