I know, I've been MIA and I'M SORRY DAMNIT I'M SORRY.

I had written a list of reasons why I am sorry I have not written. This list was nicely typed in the "create post" window of this blog editor until my lovely macintosh decided to unexpectedly quit which, I think, was a sign that I had not written the post as wonderfully as it could have been written...

After all, I'm going to make a sick attempt at a comeback, people. A number of things have happened since I last contributed to this humorous site. I used to write everything down. I used to think I was quite good at expressing humor on paper. The sarcasm and dry humor was sucked out of my writing shortly before quitting altogether. I don't know why this happened but I'd like to say that investment banking and my 40-hour a week commitment to the profession had something to do with it. Yikes, banking is not for silly, immature maniacs like myself.

So, I'd like to share with you all something that has made my life quite happy over the past month. I have developed a hysteric love for obese cats. I don't know why, but every time I see a picture of a morbidly obese cat, I can't help but tear up from laughter. I know, I know... I'm sick. I have a picture of a whopper of a tabby pinned up on my desk. I think my colleagues think I'm weird but hey, I'd rather be weird than boring because at least weirdos are entertaining. To be a bore, well, that's inescapable.

I'm going to leave you with a few photos of some fatcats I think you'll enjoy....

I'm going to make more of an effort to keep this up because my sidekick has done so and I'd hate to be thought of as a quitter. Write write write. Always write. Writing is such a great thing. It has always been such a remedy for me. So, I hope you enjoy the cats. If you think I'm a sicko, well, that's your problem, not mine.

UPDATE: I have an overweight cat and I am doing my best to get him to lose weight, despite my infatuation with fat cats.

Idol Evil?

Recent rants from everyone from the View to Letterman to Good Morning America needs to calm the fuck down about American Idol. The judges.. Paula, Randy, and my soulmate, Simon - have been accused of being "too mean" this season. Listen up people. They're not mean. They are reacting accurately to the absolutely shit-show preformances of sucky-ass people in Memphis and Seattle. If that bush-baby kid/Eddie Munster did his NSync skit/siezure in front of me, I would react the same if not worse than any of the three judges. Give them a fucking break. The show is hilarious. If people wanted it off the air, it wouldn't get millions of viewers a week. Chill the fuck out. I would also like to add that Ryan Seacrest contributes absoutely nothing to the show, and should be either cast-off or killed. Little blonde twat. How tall are you? 5'3"?

Are you ready?

My dad was my bestfriend growing up - so of course, every Sunday afternoon it was Pats time (which I loved b/c I didn't have to do my homework until the game finished). YEARS of watching Pats games from Parcells to Carrol to Belichek - cannot prepare me for Sunday's rivalry. Pats vs. Colts - Brady vs. Purdue Chicken Peyton.. Peyton, never losing a homegame.. and Brady never having lost indoors.. Quite the matchup! This is from the last Superbowl Parade in Boston - check out my boys Vrabel and Bruschi.. SO HOT. Mike Vrabel would make a good drinking buddy I think.. he just looks fun!

HAVE YOU SEEN THIS GIRL?

Name: Christina Jeffrey
Hair Color: red/light brown
Height: 5'4"
Occupation: SUPPOSED creator of this blog
Last Seen: Whenever her last entry was

Sisters Are Nice

Jeanne Dunn, my mother (to the far right), has two sisters shown here.. Ellen in the middle, and Ann to the left. When they were little they lived in Arlington, MA on a steep hill called Quincy Street. They each learned how to ride a bike by pushing eachother down the hill with no training wheels. This was with or without the bikerider's consent. Have in mind this hill is at least at a 60 degree angle and narrow. Needless to say they hit alot of cars. Apparently, according to the three, there were alot of screaming, crying, cuts and scrapes during the process.

Hottest Reporter on Tv.. besides me of course..

Susan Hendricks is CNN's weekend news anchor and, I think, the hottest reporter on national tv. Every Saturday when I enter WAGM I am greeted by her lovely face on the LCD screen in the front entrance. She joined the network in 2002 as a fill-in anchor - but I mean, look at this face..its obvious why they promoted her full-time in '05. This woman is not only gorgeous but articulate and well-spoken - she puts the CBS people I have to deal with on the server every night (Sirgany, Mallika, EW AND D'AGATA, ..etc..) to shame! Hendricks is a graduate of ASU and has worked at two other stations before hitting CNN headquarters in Atlanta.

VH1's Christmas Trees: Behind the Pine Needles

You buy them, decorate them, and water them - but whats the real story behind the fragrant Christmas Tree standing in the corner of your living room... Here are some intersting facts -

* The first decorated Christmas Tree was in Riga, Latvia in 1510.
* Christmas trees have been sold commercially within the US since 1850.
* At one point the government banned a Christmas tree decoration- this was tinsel, because it contained lead. Now, it's made of plastic.
* 32.8 million Christmas trees were purchased in the US in 2005.
* Christmas trees are grown in all 50 states including Hawaii
* In 2002, 48% of all Americans had fake Christmas trees - ew.
* Thomas Edison's assistant, Edward Johnson, came up with the idea for electric lights on Xmas trees in 1882.
* Boston's Christmas tree at the Pru has been donated by Nova Scotia in gratitude for the city's help in offering supplies to them when a ship exploded follwing a collision in Halifax, Nova Scotia harbor, that leveled part of the city killing thousands.

A Thanksgiving at the Boudreau's - 1920's.

James Frederich Boudreau - this is my grandfather's name. He was born in 1918, just shy of the end of WWI. Living in Cambridge MA., he grew up with sixteen other siblings, eight of which were hockey-crazy brothers.. Although the Boudreau's were dirt poor, it didn't stop them from going all out for the holiday in there own "special" way. For Thanksgiving Mr. Boudreau would purchase a live turkey two to three weeks in advance and tie it to a pole in the basement. They would feed the bird to fatten it up and eat it on Thanksgiving Thursday. But.. this bird suffered serious abuse from my grandfather and his brothers. Dressing it in limited hockey goalie pads, they would place it in front of a net and shoot pucks at it for hours on end after school. My grandfather said they'd also wrestle it to the ground and beat it up. Now.. I think this is fucking hilarious, but I'm sure whoever reading this is appaulled and now thinks I'm a sick moron. Haha does it make you feel any better that I don't care? Anyways, my grandfather told us this entertaining story at the dinner table one Thanksgiving years ago, and so I thought I'd share it with our bloggers, if we have any anymore since Christina has dropped off the face of the Earth.

A Thanksgiving at the Boudreau's - 1920's.

Happy Halloween

"They all float! And when you're down here, you'll float too!"