I don't know about you, but I'm convinced.

Dear random girl from a bunch of random shows and movies,


 The way you slightly tilt angle your chin downwards so you can sheepishly stare at the viewers does not make me believe you are a member of the migraine club.  This commercial makes me feel strange...like I should be ashamed of my migraines. You're not in a Plan B commercial, random girl.... you're in a headache commercial. If you wanted to endorse this product as a great hangover helper, your creepiness might be warranted.


I'm not sure why Excedrin hasn't forked over some cash for a new commercial.   I don't even think they made it in HD....so not only does this commercial pretty much cause migraines, it reduces my screen to a stupid little low def box. 
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After combing through the youtube comments, I've pulled a few goodies...


"Your face is giving me a migraine"


"She needs to fix that gap. And she just looks like she would have really bad breath. Like chlorine."


"I can't be the only one that thinks she looks like a younger, female Craig Ferguson (especially in that last shot)?"

WWAPDO?

WHAT WOULD AMBER PORTWOOD DO?

Apparently Amber Portwood, one of the stars of the hit MTV reality series 'Teen Mom' has violated every single term of her parole....

Anyone who tattooes a face of a child on a flubbybelly should do time.

Weeeeeeeeee ginger!

Hanging on by a scent...?

What is with celebrities and perfume? I guess I kind of get it.... celebrities try to make some cheap cash by getting a company to moosh together a bunch of gross smells to make a smell that someone might buy.... they also call these bottles of goodness really cool and creative names like "Dangerous" and "Curious" and "Water".......Personally, I think Bath and Body Works should give these people a lesson in scent naming....

For example....

Bath and Body Works has this delightfully nostalgic lotion called "Sun Ripened Raspberry" - You open the bottle and you smell exactly that. Lovely.

Most of their middle school-tastic flavors have easy low maintenance names that are pretty simple and awesome although I can't go into one of those stores because all those scents in one = insta migraine

If these random perfume people followed the same rules as B&BW I wonder what names they'd come up with for the perfumes they make for celebrities.   Let's try to rename some of these oh-so-popular scents with more realistic names(which I'm sure you know you can buy at Wal-Mart, Kohl's and maybe Dollar General if you're lucky)....

One of the many awesomely popular (not) perfumes by BSpears is (was?) Midnight Fantasy. Hmmmmm...... you know what would really get me dreaming those hot and steamy dreams? Some perfume. Maybe if I put some on before bed I will smell it in my dreams and it will attract a fantasy fairy. 

Better more realistic name: Wet Dream? I mean, that's what she's trying to say she's just not saying it. 

Spears' other perfumes include:

"Because of you..."   -Because of you what? Because of you I smell like this? Because of you I have deep emotional issues and to harness my feelings I made a perfume? 

"Curious"  -That was a fun perfume. Remember the weird commercial about the chick (Brit) in the hotel room listening to the dude next door? She was curious. OK, fine. You can have that one....although what does it have to do with smelling. I think the better commercial would have involved Brit lying down sniffing under the door of his hotel room. 

Then we had the Fantasies..... Midnight (which we already talked about) Circus (which is just plain creepy) and Hidden - Was she trying for some continuity in branding? A rose by any other name is still just a crappy perfume. 

Then there was "radiance" which I don't remember ...and last but not least we have "Fantasy"  which I'm guessing is just all the 3 Fantasy perfumes mixed into 1 that Britney made one night when she was drunk. 

Let's try another.

OOOOOO The Jerz Shore girls all randomly love scent making! For some reason I picture these clowns at one of those sand tables at a local fair...you know... those tables with a bunch of bowls of brightly colored sand? You pay for a plastic bottle.... and then you fill it with layers of sand. The goal is to make a sweet pattern of florescent sand stripes and swirls but the end product is usually just brown from far away. Kids think it's cool for 1 second and then lose interest mid-layering and it ends up on the mantel for a minute until the kid looks the other way and the parents get to chuck it. 

So here we have Sammi Sweetheart (I'm assuming this was a self-proclaimed nickname because if she took a name someone else gave her I'm pretty sure it would be Sammi Sucks)..... She made a perfume! So did JWOWW and so did Snooks. Woopie! How cool! They must be so ridiculously jerseyish. 

Sammi's perfume is DANGEROUS. Dangerously sweet?  Clever! Sammi is exploring the use of an oxymoron with this one. You can't be sweet AND dangerous....crazy bitch.

Here she is looking dangerously sweet.... 

Better more B&BW type name would be: Bipolar  (dangerous AND sweet....depending on the date and time).... or..... Trash......... because I bet that is literally what it smells like. 

Last but not least....

LOLLIPOP BLING! HOW COULD I FORGET LOLLIPOP BLING!?!?!?!?!?!?!

OMIGOSH MARIAH I AM SO SORRY I DIDN'T THINK OF THIS INVENTIVE AND AWESOME LINE OF PERFUMES! Apparently they make you smell like lollipops and bling. Sweet! 

I wouldn't dare try to rename these "Three irresistible flavor inspired fragrances" because why the hell would I? This woman is insane enough to pose like this with these crazy looking lollipops that look sparkly but definitely inedible.... why would we try to make anything Mariah reasonable? Seriously... this is like Anime meets Pete's Dragon or something..... I don't know what it is but I'm uncomfortable.

2 businesses that need to be shut down.

The law office of Barry Feinstein and the video production company that put this gem together.

If you can't act, don't be a lawyer.

Who made this video with a straight face? What producer said...OK BARRY, I know what will look good......walk onto the green screen and cross your arms. Act like you just caught your 14 year old trying to refill the vodka bottle with water. I mean really.... Who finished this shoot and thought WOW we really got some good shots of Barry being lawful...especially the shot of him scolding someone on the phone. That shot was the best!

Barry- Yikes.

If you take this drug you can go to costa rica and play with a baby sloth!

Not.

This commercial has been on a lot lately and it bugs me. I'm not sure if it's the silly jingle or the ridiculous mini travel documentary thing the company poured a bunch of money into filming...clearly the marketing dept. just wanted to go on vacation.

Everyone knows sloths don't hang out on low lying branches. Get real Dulera.

Merry Christmas Shopping Season

Clarification: I am an anchor

As stated by Christina below, I spell easy words incorrectly sometimes. Apparently, so does she. She mispelled 'anchor' and instead typed the word 'reporter'. Silly Christina... Silly, so silly. Sometimes she forgets I've been a morning anchor since the summer of '08. That's okay. My parents always ask me what Christina does for a living, her job title, what she is (was) studying to get her masters degree in, and I never know the answer to their question. I just say, 'I'll have to get back to you.'

LoLo!

Really.

Toddlers and Tiaras = Watch it and you'll feel like you have broken a law.

Are these moms serious, or does someone pay them to act like this?

Last night I watched 2 episodes of Toddlers and Tiaras. I couldn't stop. Afterwards, I felt exhausted, ashamed and dirty.

First of all, what happened to these mothers to flip some sort of "this is OK" switch in their heads? Do they think they look awesome on television? I wonder what this mother thinks about

her episode.... "WOW I am a PRINCESS!" or "I BET THE VIEWERS WISH THEIR CHILD COULD CARRY A

SPRAY TAN LIKE MINE!" - Do they think we will be so distracted by their children's fake beauty and obnoxiously inappropriate ruffly sparkly dress thingys to notice their terrible looks and terrible personalities?

I saw one 5 year old on the show that looked so made up that her skin actually had wrinkles. WRINKLES. Way to go, mom... your kid is right on track to look as awful as you when she grows up.

Oh look.... here we have a 3 year old with Madonna boobs! So fitting!

I wonder if this child will wear this thing for Halloween, too - When I was little, I wanted to be a pancake for halloween.

The "No one cares!" Chant

Have you ever wanted to start a "NO ONE CARES!" chant at someone who constantly posts things like....

"I'm so sick" or "Gone running!" or "Depressed..... Worst day ever!" or "Cooking green beans!" on Facebook?

I have.

I have to hold back because of course, I like to post on facebook. I even like to tweet now that I have become mildly addicted to contests (mainly because I win a lot) - I find myself totally baffled by people's inability to notice how boring and mundane their posts really are. If I ever post something stupid, please start a No One Cares chant.

You know who else deserves a No One Cares chant?

New Ground Rules for Old Blog.

There are a few things you should know...

This blog has not been touched since 2007. We are attempting to revitalize it because I (Christina) am sick of reading people's blogs about nothing interesting. Since when does blog=diary, anyway?

Two (or more..we will have guest posters) people write this blog. We will not always tell you who is writing but I will give you some hints as to how you can distinguish between our writing styles.

1. Julia writes about attractive women...not that there's anything wrong with that

2. Christina's posts will almost always blame bad things happening on Sarah Palin

3. Julia spells easy words wrong

4. Christina spells most words right

5. Julia will occasionally include a swearword in her posts

6. Christina is sort of an old lady and will never swear on screen

7. Julia is a TV reporter

8. Christina is a public health advocate and may occasionally inform about a cool non-profit because that is what makes her happy

9. Both Julia and Christina will openly diss one another. Don't worry, we still love each other.